Summer and other things that may not happen
The lack of new news is driving me mad. I want to know something…about CW, about who actually made C-SD, something!
It’s one thing to know I can (slowly) get my career going even if I don’t go through a Clarion workshop. I get that, I can handle it. The real issue is that while other people start talking about summer plans, I am wrapped in either spending six weeks as a writer with writers doing writer things or trying to find ways to fill my summer a piece at a time.
If I get in CW, I’ll spend six weeks away from my wife and daughter. Six weeks! I haven’t spent six consecutive days away from my daughter since her birth or from my wife since we got married a decade ago. Going to Clarion will be a gargantuan sacrifice and emotional drain. (I may be able to channel that into a story, should it come to pass.) If I don’t go, I have that massive loss before me, a feeling of disappointment so strong that last year I didn’t write anything new while the workshop took place. (Not sure if I’ve confessed that here before or not.) I’m just a very emotional guy.
Every day that passes — every hour that passes without news pulls me in both directions at once, preparing me simultaneously to have no workshop and no family. I need hints like an junkie needs methadone.
Patience is gone now; only anxiety remains. I think I’m going to get some chamomile to calm my nerves. Or maybe something stronger.