Rewriting and revision
As I mentioned in a few posts, I’ve been rewriting an old gem I found on my hard drive from at least five years ago, probably more. I think I just finished that rewrite, at almost exactly midnight on May 2nd. I’ll probably want to edit more in a few days, but I’m pretty pleased with the results.
I didn’t cut the massive opening sequence I had considered axing. It seemed to start kind of slow, but it was more the fault of excessive wordiness than anything else. Maybe I’ll stick it in Baen’s Bar to get some feedback.
In ways, “Secondhand Rush” is simpler than “Leech Run” which got slapped around. It’s simpler in that the protagonist’s motivations are perfectly clear from the beginning. His needs are simple, his life is simple, his goal is simple.
The story’s structure, however, is oddly complex. It violates Jordan Lapp’s rule that a first person POV story should have no scene breaks. I, in fact, jump periodically to other characters to eavesdrop of their conversations. The story wouldn’t work without miranda7 and LucAs [sic] popping in and out. It’s the nature of the narration that it happen that way. Trust me, it works. Some people may not like it, but it works.
miranda7 and LucAs also converse a lot like my students do with text messages. It’s a byproduct of their living situation (they are downloaded into computers for immortality). It may make their dialogue tough to read, but it’s always short blurbs and it fits the story.
I’m proud of this little creation. Sad that I shelved it so long ago. It wasn’t ready for the public and I wasn’t ready to fix it. I’m curious to see its reception. If I don’t declare otherwise here, I’ll have “Secondhand Rush” up in Baen’s Universe Slush by the end of the weekend.
In related news, I have put my Critters membership on hiatus. I still love Critters, I just don’t have time to keep up my crit count. That, and I’m considering joining the “sff online writing workshop”, maybe next month when school is getting out for the summer. (Tarcie, I haven’t forgotten.) Hopefully I’ll have another story ready by then.
Scott W. Baker: Chaos out of Chaos 
I’ve been on the sff online writing workshop just over a year now and it’s totally worth it. It’s really nice to finish something, pop it up there, and get feedback that’s usually helpful and complete. Everyone so far has been really helpful (as I try to be when critiquing too, heh). I recommend it. If you do join let me know your user name! (I’m Nobu B.)
Good luck with the rewriting!
@izanobu: I’m sure I’ll be “osomuerte” or some variant there of. There aren’t a lot of dead Spanish bears running around, at least not until I make it big and everyone tries to copy me. Ha!
awesome. Join up! I think they let you try for a couple weeks free…
Wow, I have nested replies now. Cool.
Anyway, I intend to sign up as soon as I have some time to do a few critiques. That’ll be a few weeks. But I did put “Secondhand Rush” in the Baen’s Universe Slush (link added to original message). All you Bar members (and I don’t mean lawyers) can drop by and give it a read. Helpful advice is always welcome.
hey, I’ve got a story in the slush at the Bar too now. Is my first time, I’ve never been brave enough to post one, but I have one that I think they might like (it’s been through a huge revision already, so hopefully not too far left to go…) I’m ‘izanobu’ there.
I see it, “The Spacer’s Blade”. I can’t wait to give it a read.
Thanks! Hope you like it. I added comments to your story. My first time commenting there too (I do love to lurk, heh).