Between a rock-paper-scissors and a hard place

It wasn’t that long ago that I wrote a story based on the timeless game of Rock-Paper-Scissors.  It was a cute little story, a commentary on organized religion.  It never became what I wanted it to be, so I shelved it.  (I do that a lot.)

Anyway, while watching a rerun of The Mentalist, Simon Baker’s display of R-P-S inspired me to pull the story back out.  It was an entertaining read but it still had that lacking.  What’s more, I’m not sure where the problem lies.  I suspect it’s too long for what it is (2400 words), but I see few places to cut.

That’s not true.  I know where the cuts would come.  But like Dan Brown, I don’t want to cut all my research out of my story just because it could survive without it.  I think the researched part (the possible origins of R-P-S) strengthen the story and make the two main characters sound intelligent and knowledgeable.  But, also like Dan Brown, maybe I should let the cuts strengthen the story.

I have decided to post it to OWW (once “Poison Inside the Walls” gets a couple reviews…it has one!) to see how others react to it.  While they peck at it, I’ll try to shave it down on my own to see if (a) my revision fixes their complaints, and (b) my revision maintains whatever strengths they perceive.    I should be able to whittle it down to 1500 words if I cut some content.  It’s an experiment I’ll conduct while I’m in Gatlinburg next week.  (Unless, of course, something else demands my attention.  Smoky Mountains have that effect on me sometimes.)

-Oso